Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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