I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
