I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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