she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
