Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
