Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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