Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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