Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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