I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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