Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Panties = found
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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