Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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