yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
