if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
