uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
