I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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