My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
