Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
