Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
