this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
