matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
