Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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