& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
