So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
