At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
