I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
