Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
