I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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