Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
