I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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