She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
