Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
