He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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