Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
