Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
