you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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