I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
