You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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