I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
