She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
