If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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