FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
