I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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