i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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