happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
