only if we run a train.
done.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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