I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
