my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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