Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
