just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
