I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
jump out the window naked night went bad
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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