you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
