He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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