she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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