I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
