OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
