hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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