well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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