Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
false alarm. still invincible.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
