Only a mothe r could love this liver
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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