I'm so fucking centered right now
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
