I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
